The Beginning.

The characters for this amazing series of events are all real, with names that have changed for personal reasons.
My names Juliet, with the amazing friends i have, i continue having this weight upon my shoulders that seems to make me feel some what distant.
I'm not one to be modest but more or less honest. (Not meaning to rhyme)
I have been through things that other people haven't, and i've had to deal with things that we shouldn't have too.
My father, well to me he means less then nothing. My parents being divorced i only visit him so that he isn't upset. Which is more then he makes me feel anyway. He's constantly telling me he hates me and doesn't want to ever see me again, my father is an alcoholic who spends about $10 a week on me including child support. After he was diagnosed with epilepsy he lost his job, tough for him you might say, though not really considering the fact that he brought it onto himself. My father was told by the doctors that the reaon he suffers from the disease is he because he smokes pot. My father has been a drug addict my entire life, and as far as i know from the age of 16. The reason i know he definately doesnt want me there is the fact that he replaced the room i sleep in with his beautiful plants he loves to grow. AKA home grown pot. My bed, is now the lounge in his living room, to which i have to find my own blankets. I guess his way of showing affection. Thats the least of my problems that involve him.
My parents where married for around about 8 years, my mum in that period of time had already cheated on my father with a man who has already had 6 children; of which range from 7-21. We knew of the affair for years, but nothing could be done about it. When my father moved out, my mothers boyfriend moved in 7 days later. Iv'e heard the stories of girls being raped by their mothers boyfriends/husbands/fiances, but our relationship which i wouldnt call it more then that, is one of hate.
He asked my mother to marry her last year, ofcoarse she accpeted and they had a baby earlier this year. The perfect family really, only one sure problem, yours sincerly.
Welcome to pnly part of my home life, join in anytime you want.

My school life however is completely different. To most of my friends I'm the one who is different though, extremely different from most they know. How my friends would exactly describe me im unsure. Within the past year iv'e lost most of my best friends. Probably something most of us go through once in their lifetime, just wish it wasn't that way.
Let me set out some of my friendships for you.
Jewell and myself went to the same school from kindergarten, over the past few years we have been so close, honestly one of my best friends. But over the past few months things have seemed to be really, how shall i describe it, different. She's been distant with me, and seems to enjoy the company of Gabrielle's (my ex-boyfriend) more then mine. The only time we talk is a few minutes each morning, but none other then that. And some may think from my description that she is probably hooking up with Gab, but she's never liked him and he isnt quite her type. That is what used to be so great about us, we are so different from each other that it is strange we get aong so well. Some of our opinions might be so well suited to the others, but our personalities in general clash; making it seem strange why we get along so well. She hangs with completely different people now, and it seems that the life she is leading without me is going perfectly. Guess i was her damp towel.
Now we have Terrel, strange name i have given him yes, but it means strength and to me that what he is. He is so strong and funny, but when we talk to each other without the influence of others, he's nice and just perfect. He's broken my trust once before, but honestly who hasn't, yet through everything i've been through and all i have done; he stands by me still. I love him, he is one of those i wish grow old with and just live and have fun. As i said he broke my trust once before, and we didnt talk for more then month after that, which for me, was heart breaking and horrible. Things have gotten back on track though, but still, there's this space. Where we can't go back and change things, can't make them right and feel better. He was in a previous relationship but just broke up recently. And definately not a slot im going to replace, but theres still that small attraction towards him. One of the few things keeping me together, and ofcoarse I love him.
Gabrielle, one of the most confusing friendships/relationships i have ever been involved in. We have dated a few times, and things have seem so bad between us that we couldn't be friends again. He broke up with me both times we dated, once he gave me so many reasons i still don't know which are true, and the second time i was given no reason. We took things a bit to far once, which totally destroyed my previous relationship. Mitch, the guy who i wish could still be with and never have broken up with. Gab and i got close one camp, we held hands but i loved mitch and that was betrayel. I look back now, it has been nearly a year and i still regret breaking up with him. My reason behind breaking up with Mitch? I couldn't still date him whilst i had slight feelings for Gab. Same reason i gave him the second time we dated for a day. But me and Gab got together two days later, a relationship that didn't end well. Confusing enough for you?
Gab practically hated me at the start of the year. I had previously promised him that i wouldn't cut my wrists again like i have in the past, after he broke up with me, so may things went wrong and i needed a relief. And i only found this from cutting my wrists, when he found out he got so angry he wouldn't even stop to look me in the eye. Terrel on the other hand was only dissapointed in me and wanted to help me through the mistake, which is probably the one big differences betwen Gab and Terrel. Although Gab has made things so hard for me, i still can't hate him, or even dislike him for that matter. At times i get so pissed i want to punch him, but then i think of how happy he has made me at times and its just this huge mix of emotions. Anger, Pain, Love all of them. He's like a brother now, nothing more. At times its been half on half off, but that didn't work out either.
Let me get back to Mitch though, he's this sweet guy that can't do anything wrong. Honestly, i can't remember him doing anything on purpose once to hurt me. We have dated a few times, one shouldnt be counted. But i did love him, and unfortunately after a year, i think i still do. When he smiles, it makes me laugh. And honestly, he cheers me up when he doesnt even know im down, hes this perfect guy perfect boyfriend, perfect all over and i only wish that i didn't break up with him. I missed him so much after we broke up, but i thought that was only because i had not talked to him for 6 weeks, and after all i loved him and i had losed him. Which was my fault and i hate myself for that. I had someone i finally loved and was happy with, and i didn't even realise it when i was with him. So much do i remember back to when we were together and feel depressed because i remember how happy i was. When we kissed, i felt so special, i felt so good, so happy. Not horny. Just happy.....i had found a guy that loved me back that i also loved, and i once again I CANT GET OVER HOW I LET HIM GO!
Mitch is the boyfriend i loved the most. Which should say alot seeing as out of all the guys i have dated, i have only ever loved two. Gab and ofcoarse Mitch. Now im imagining his smile.
If only it worked for the better, i could be happy now.
It has been months since i have been genuinley happy. There have been the occasional days where i have been happy, well feeling alright i guess. But its been nearly a year now where i have been happy for more then a few days. Thats another thing i wish i could just change aswell.
Just to be happy.
Gab and Terrel are good friends, but theres this distance and distrust between them over Terrel's ex-girlfriend. To me she is a good person, but of what i have heard, somethings she has done to my bestfriends, sometimes i could punch her. I love Terrel and she has put him through so much, and i know he deserves so much. But then when i talk to Sash, she seems so different from the things i have been told. Does this mean shes fake, or just different towards me?
And the last i shall descuss for now is Richard. Its been almost a year since we have been close. We fall out often, and at this moment i just dont/can't be bothered talking to him. In person anyway. We have this strange friendship, we talk about so much over msn yet in person it is just dead silent, nothing to talk about. He's a bit different, yet he himself has been going through alot. Richard has like me since February this year, but the feeling isn't mutual. I just really want him to be able to move on, so that maybe, our friendship could be less awkward. By the way, i can't see myself liking him, not in that way. Right now, i have been single for 8 and a half months, i feel lonely sure. But the only person i think about when thinking about liking someone, is ofcoarse Mitch. Which pisses me off, and i only hope that maybe, one day. He will give me another chance, because right now that is something that seems to put a smiel on my face.
Or maybe i should be waiting for the right person, a new person to meet. To get along with, to love, to talk to.

Im a girl, who is sitting here trying something knew. I'm not pouring my heart out to you, but mearly telling you something about myself, in the sense to let you know, and to let myself know, that im not alone. These are a few of my worries, not quite problems, but things that make the pressure on my shoulders feel even heavier.
Post a comment, leave a story, take some time to talk to me if you wish and i will try and reply.
I'm different in one way im extremely certain of. I love listening to people talk, no matter who they are or what about. Especially if its about something specific that they have an opinion on. People say to me "I'm sorry if im complaining" but to me your not. Your talking to me and opening up to me about something, showing me a sign of trust, and for that, i trust you.
You have to give a little to get a little, is the way i think about it anyway. I only seem to trust someone that trusts me in return. Don't ask me why but that's just me.

So leave me a little note to tell me something you think.
Your opinion on something i have said, whether it is having a go at me or not.
Tell me something about yourself, anything what so ever.
And ofcoarse i will listen, after all i love to listen.
This is my first entry, i ll try and do more and i hope you'll listen.
Welcome to my life, hopefully you have read this far anyway.

Signing off Juliet

These Lonely Days. xx